Today was so absolutely gorgeous it made me feel sick!  I parked an extra block away from school so that I could take a few extra steps in my day and also enjoy the sunshine on my face.  I sat with my mentor in a coffee shop by the window so that I could feel a sunbeam on my back.  I was late for church because I sat outside reading too long and listening to opera because it was too nice to be inside.
As I meandered up the stairs to my bedroom, I noticed that my thermostat was at 77 and THAT my readers, is the tragedy.  It's February!  FREAKING FEBRUARY!!  My birthmonth I might add.  And it's supposed to be cold and blustery with a hint...*hint* of spring to come.  Not so in the California valley.
Every year I wish it to rain on my birthday and I only remember that happening twice.  In my later years I'd just wish for cold weather or beautiful dark clouds rolling by, but that is a rarity as well. 
It's not that I didn't enjoy the weather today or bask in it's sunny glory, but I feel like it was just a month ago that it finally got cold and now I'm already having to gear up for a dreadful summer.  Just as winter has come and gone insanely fast, so will spring be gone in a nano second.  It's just not fair! 
"You say that so often.  I wonder what your basis for comparison is."
I've been feeling on edge lately...like something is going to happen or I need to get out of town for a bit.  That's the one downside to taking a fun class at school.  It limits your days off to go out of town should you choose when you have a teacher who looks at your attendance as your grade.  I wouldn't give up this ballet class for an extra day of vacation.  It's just too much fun!  Plus I got my calf muscles back after years of nothing so...you know.  Not quitting.

This sporadic entry was brought to you by the letters N. E. D. S. L P.  With these words you could make the words NEED SLEEP.  Thank you.

So I did end up going to lunch with the DJ guy and ended up having a great time!  We talked about music, politics, and his other job that has to do a bit with the medical field.  It was fun to be able to hang out with a guy and finally putting all my "what if he likes me and I don't like him" feelings to the side.  I've been too scared in the past to allow myself to be friends with a guy based on that issue so many times.  As a matter of fact, I've only had one guy that I allowed myself to be like that with and it was only because of a long time of being good friends that I finally started to hang out with him without other people around.  So yeah...that's a new goal I'm trying to incorporate into my life.
Going out to lunch with an older guy got me really thinking about men in general and what attracts me to the older set.  I always thought it was looks alone that had me liking Sean Connery, Harrison Ford, Gerard Butler, etc., and maybe in their cases it was only looks since I didn't know them in person.  In real life however, I find it has to do more with the fact that most guys in their 40s+ have a different way of living, loving, and interacting with people.  The 20+ year olds in the bar scene are out to get drunk, party, and get in a girl's pants.  The 40+ year old guy is out to have conversation and enjoy people's company.  Probably they wouldn't mind getting in a girl's pants, but it doesn't seem to be the forefront of their goal in going out.  Am I wrong in this assumption?  I know not all men fit in these categories but the ones I have experienced in bar land at least seem this way.  Talking to the DJ about dancing and life was like a breath of fresh compared to the usual drone of most guys.  I can't even recall a good conversation I've had at a bar with a guy that was younger.  I'm not friends with a lot of guys in general, so it may be that 30 year olds are better at breaking into conversation outside of the weather.  All this said, I do have some good guy friends who I don't feel are like what I'm describing.  More like I'm narrowing it down to bar guys.
So any opinions on the matter?

Originally posted on classicnutmeg.vox.com

So it's been awhile eh?  It's not that I haven't wanted to update this thing and hadn't clicked on the create link and then stared at the big white box till my eyes boggled and then turned it off.  It just...wouldn't come up to surface for some reason.  I feel like either I haven't had anything to say (not true) or I've just had a mental block for writing that I couldn't scrape myself out of no matter how hard I tried.
But here I am.  Trying once again to fill the white void with words that will mean more and turn into something than the crazy ramblings of my jumbled mine.  Already I've failed.  ;) 
Tonight I had this incredible urge to go out.  I've spent many a night at my apartment alone watching DVDs on my crazy big new TV but it doesn't quite fill the void of loneliness no matter how rockin your sound system is with Kill Bill blasting through the speakers.  So after texting a billion people to go out and have some drinks and getting a negative with all of them, I finally got a ding to my cell phone announcing a new text.  It was this artist/engineer guy that I have seen a handful of times and who I had been pretty attracted to during the times we met.  The last couple of times we had seen each other, I was pretty sure he was feeling the attraction factor with me as well.  But it wasn't quite the flirt-a-thon of some people who are attracted to each other.  More like a meeting of the minds in which "god I love your energy" came up quite often.  I was supposed to go to his place at some point and see his artwork but I got cold feet do to his age and my worrying that he was wanting something more than just showing his artwork so I never called to confirm and he never called to question it.
So tonight I texted him after months of not seeing him and just said, "Hey I haven't seen you out in awhile.  I hope you had a good holiday season."  To which I got a text to come out to a local bar and hang out.  I was already thinking of swinging by another local bar to say hi to a DJ I know but upon driving up, I saw the car of a guy who I used to have a pretty big crush on and I didn't want to walk in alone with him and his girlfriend in there (insecure much?) and so I just headed straight to the guy I hadn't seen in a few months.
In those few months, I had taken my little stalker side through the internet to read articles on him and the buildings he had built and his artwork and quotes on a nearby district.  My little heart did a flutter of, "oh snap he's both interesting in person and intelligent!"  I had the hugest grin on my facing driving out to see him and hoping that maybe that spark between us could possibly become something more. 
He was so drunk.  Talking to a couple of girls outside and introducing them as "fairy elf" or some other nymph-like name that had me feeling incredibly naive as my nickname "sunshine" was just one of many.  It shouldn't have bothered me really as it's just his personality but as the time wore on and he left me once with people I don't know to walk one of his friends to their car and then again to go give another girl a hug because she was having a bad day, I had pretty much just had it.  Now I wish I could have just gone back to the days when we ran into each other and had great conversations.
Which brings me to another guy.  After slinking out of the bar, I headed over to other bar to see my DJ friend.  He's an older guy who is eternally young and laid back.  However when I say older, I mean a great deal older...like late 40s older.  So I headed in and said hi to a couple of people and ended up resting myself behind the counter where my DJ friend had all his stuff set up.  He taught me about the music board and the music he brought.  Why he plays certain things and his philosophy on how to be a good DJ.  I absorbed and responded and got to fiddle with the buttons a bit.  We ended up dancing by ourselves with an exuberant little crowd behind us watching on.  We grooved to old school soul music and laughed at my goofiness and me at his solid suave dance moves.  I had such a great time and all I had drank was a single beer at the previous bar. 
Then came the drop.  He had said earlier that he would like to come over to my place so he could give me a bunch of his music and he would bring a bottle of wine.  First I was ecstatic to be educated on so much music and be given so much but how do I know that's all he wants to do?  How do I know that it won't turn into the awkward dance of avoiding come ons and offers to more get togethers etc.?  Can guys and girls be just friends?  Can you keep a guy in the friend zone without crushing his feelings or making him feel less than what he is?  Do I tip toe around guys too much trying to avoid this when I should just embrace love and life and enjoy it while it lasts? 
He asked me to lunch tomorrow.  I just don't know what I should do.  I'm not interested in a relationship (the age thing...as much as I love older guys, I couldn't be with one long term)  but I would love to be friends with him.  I'm just afraid that he wants more and I will have to end what we do have now which would be sad to me.  So it's either a very superficial friendship where we only talk to each other when we run into each other, one of a true friendship where we hang out now and then, or one of no friendship because I shit all over his parade.
Help!

Originally posted on classicnutmeg.vox.com

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That's enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

- Was learning cursive really necessary?

- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

1. It's the last night of the world, and you've only just found out. What five things will you do in these final hours? 
   1) Have sex...hopefully good sex since your first time is not very awesome as I hear it. 2) I wouldn't have time to fly to Brasil to see my parents but I'd probably skype them to say bye.  3) Smoke a cig or several.  4) Probably do shrooms or some hallucinogen because I'm scared to death to ever do it but if I've only got a few hours to live anyway.  5) Spend the rest of the night getting drunk with friends and dancing somewheres...or having more sex.  Does this sound pathetic?
   
2. How do you feel about our American Flag's design?  I likes it.
   
3. What pets have you had? I've had multiple hamsters, cats, fish, and emu chicks.
   
4. What was the last activity you wore a wristband for?  I went to this club for my friends 26th Birthday party.  You can be under 21 there hence the wristband.
   
5. What song changed your life? February Song by Josh Groban.  What it means to me has nothing to do with why he wrote it but it's still means something to me.